The Myth of Togetherness
Why you should learn to be alone before getting married is a question more people need to ask themselves. Those who haven’t learned to live alone shouldn’t get married. People who can’t live alone crave companionship—but even with someone by their side, they can’t truly live in harmony.
Because if you can’t live peacefully with yourself, how will you live peacefully with someone else? After married?
When two people who are both emotionally dependent come together, the result isn’t shared joy—it’s multiplied frustration. And that’s the reality many face in marriage today. If two people haven’t discovered personal growth and happiness on their own, how can they ever bring happiness into each other’s lives?
Personal Development Starts with Solitude
People must understand that happiness doesn’t come from chasing things or people. Real personal development begins with solitude. It’s ironic that in ancient times, when there were no schools or colleges, young people under the age of 20 would live in gurukuls and learn to be independent.
They sought truth, practiced self-awareness, and learned to be alone—a fundamental skill that prepared them for deeper relationships later in life.
Because the one who learns the art of being alone becomes capable of taking the next big step: healthy companionship.
Overcoming Self-Doubt Before Love
Let’s imagine a situation: two men are sitting by a pond. Suddenly, one begins to drown and shouts, “Help! Help!” The other panics and jumps in—forgetting that he himself doesn’t know how to swim. Now both of them are in danger, and a third person must intervene to save them.
This story reflects life and relationships perfectly. If you haven’t learned how to emotionally “swim,” how can you help someone else?
Overcoming self-doubt and developing emotional stability is critical. Only when you are emotionally strong on your own can you support someone else in a relationship.
True Companionship Begins in Wholeness
In the past, it was common to teach people how to live alone before age 25. Understanding life without relying on others was part of personal development. When two individuals have learned to live happily alone, only then are they truly ready to live together/ married.
Because now, both have the joy of solitude—something they can share. Now, communication can be honest, mutual understanding can blossom, and they can truly find their true selves in a shared space.
Watch next: How Solitude Leads to Stronger Relationships – The Secret to True Love Starts Within You!“
Love Grows in Freedom, Not Control
This country once gave the world a unique and beautiful vision of marriage. It was once a sacred gift—but now, much of that beauty has been lost.
First lesson: Learn to live with yourself. You should be so joyful in your own presence that the absence of someone else doesn’t interrupt your happiness. Your joy should never be dependent on another person.
When two people come together whose happiness is not dependent on each other, love blossoms. Then neither becomes the slave or master of the other. This is the foundation of true personal growth.
Healthy Love Requires Distance
Someone once said:
“Lovers should be like two pillars of a temple—standing close but still apart, supporting the same roof, yet with space between them.”
If the pillars are too close, the temple collapses.
This metaphor speaks volumes about emotional independence. Change can be good for you—especially when it involves letting go of dependency and embracing trust, respect, and emotional space.
Change Can Be Good for You and for everyone. Unfortunately, modern relationships often lack this space. Partners constantly doubt each other. Wives inspect clothes for traces of other women, husbands stay alert to their partner’s emotional energy, fearing it may be invested elsewhere. Where there is no trust, how can love grow?
Marriage Should Liberate, Not Bind
It’s often said that someone is “getting tied in the bond of marriage.” But marriage should not be a bondage—it should be freedom. It should be a mutual journey of two free individuals, not a cage.
My uncle once said to his son on his wedding day:
“Always remember two things:
- If you make a promise to your wife, always fulfill it.
- Better yet, don’t make promises at all.”
After marriage, many couples start avoiding the truth and hiding things from each other. But where there is no truth, there can be no real joy. Doubt only breaks bonds—it never builds them.
If you feel that marriage will make you happy just because your partner will keep you happy, understand you and your life will be peaceful – then you are wrong. Marriage is not a good choice for every problem. This is a very important decision that should never be made on the basis of the opinion of others or in a hurry – especially when you feel alone. If you encounter a wedding to avoid loneliness, you may lose even more. Your happiness and peace are not in anyone else. You have to find them in you.
Marriage can be beautiful, but it also brings responsibility, challenges and emotional requirements. To rely as a solution to your internal conflicts preparing you for disappointment. First focus on creating your peace, purpose and identity. Only then can a relationship add value to you instead of avoiding a crutch or unresolved problems in your life.
Only the 1% Succeed
Marriage is a rare and extraordinary art. People aren’t born married—they must grow into it. Out of every 100 marriages, 99 fail to reach the true essence of love and companionship. Only 1% succeed—these are the people who learned to enjoy solitude first.
They are the ones who understood the power of inner peace, and who found their true selves before finding someone else.
Final Thought
Change Can Be Good for You. Before you search for the “right person,” become the right person.
Before asking someone to love you, learn to love your solitude.
Because only those who are at peace with themselves can create a peaceful life with someone else.
Change can be good for you—especially when it means choosing independence, self-awareness, and love without attachment.
Learn to be alone.
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